Last time whenever I hear testimonies from fellow brethrens, I felt so frustrated because the testimonies was their not mine. And many times I asked God for such experiences, but I didn't see the prayer answered. So naturally I read bible more and pray more. I'm not sure have you guys ever have such mentality, when I don't see promises come to pass I will live my christian living even more "perfect" in order to get the promises come to pass. And that's completely a lie of devil.
And when I read Bible, pray, and listen to sermons of many famous men and women of God. I started to learn more about the spiritual and natural truth. I was thinking in my mind, "yeah man, I learn a lot. I will excell in my ministry quicker..." I even started to criticize my own senior pastor's sermons. Thinking in my mind, this point is not well presented, this explanation is wrong, I can explain this point better... You know what, I think the person most expert in bible knowledge in the whole world is none other than pharisees and scribe in the Bible. But almost all of them at all time were finding fault in Jesus's teaching. That's why there was one time in the Bible, Jesus was ready to heal the people there when He was teaching (Luke 5:17). But end up only one person who was paralyzed was healed recorded in the Bible.
Back to story, I had not been receiving any revelation and strength during my senior pastor's teaching ever since I had such mentality. Then I blame my senior pastor not anointed enough. As long as i embraced such mentality, I couldn't received anything during teaching time. I personally think I was even out of the coverage of anointing of my senior pastor, because things didn't work well in my ministry.
There was another story in Bible, a scribe asked Jesus a question (Mark 12:28). This scribe was different from others. After Jesus answered him, and the scribe responded wisely(v32). Jesus saw that he answered intelligently [discreetly, having his wit about him]. Jesus said to him, "you are not far from the kingdom of God"(v34, amplified bible). Wow, isn't it wonderful? When you remain discreet and listen carefully to words of God, God says, you are not far from the kingdom of God; let say, when your mentor or leader was speaking some godly wisdoms and advices to you, and you remain discreet and listen carefully, God says you are very near to my King-dom, "King's Dominion". As you know our King is a good King, His kingdom is filled with good stuff too: love, joy, peace, gifts of healing, miracles... gentleness, blah blah blah.
I have already settled with my heart, repented. How about you?
Remark: Sorry to my senior pastor for my foolish way. However I praise Jesus! There is now no condemnation for those who are in Jesus Christ! Yeah!! Therefore let us continue with our foolishness. ...Certainly not!(Romans 6:1)
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